My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
