The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I have aggressive nipples.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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