Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
