We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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