i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
You took a bar mat shot.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
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