Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
