Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Randomize
