right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
