after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
