i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
