I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize
