haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Randomize
