you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
