I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Randomize
