I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
