Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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