apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
