About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
