did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
