Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
