He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
