I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
