cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
