We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
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