why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
