So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
