Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
My feet surprised me
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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