im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize
