I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
