hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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