Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
