i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
