just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
