"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
