Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Randomize
