My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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