Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
