just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
