I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
