the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
