By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
