9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
