If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
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