So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
