Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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