I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
