Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
