This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
