I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I have tasted many bathrooms
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
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