In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
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