Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
