i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Randomize
