Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
