i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Randomize
