woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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